If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving you don’t actually live longer; it just seems like longer. Clement Freud. Politician.
I relate
I don’t relate

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When women go wrong, men go right after them. Mae West. Actress.
I relate
I don’t relate

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People are wrong when they say opera isn’t what it used to be. It is what it used to be. That’s the problem. Noel Coward.
I relate
I don’t relate

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Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Romania.
Dorothy Parker. Poet.

I relate
I don’t relate

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A man is only as old as the woman he feels. Groucho Marx. Comedian.
I relate
I don’t relate

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I prefer old age to the alternative. Maurice Chevalier. Actor. Singer.
I relate
I don’t relate

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Women: You can’t live with them, and you can’t get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something. Emo Philips. Comedian.
I relate
I don’t relate

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I think we leave this one for 2-3 weeks, perhaps with a parallel vote after 2 weeks are up.

jester

I will try, in this, to embody the spirit of careful thought and consideration I know was forthcoming from all who partook. I am sure many agonised over the pros and cons of each pronouncement, looking to your innermost feelings and most profound thoughts for answers. I do wish to remind all that our interpretations must and will evolve as new votes affect them. We are by no means yet able to make unequivocal pronouncements.

What I must note first of all, over the two votes, was the importance of sex. I do not mean in the discrimination/ glass ceiling/ litigation sort of way but rather in the getting-sweaty rolling around on the ground athletic manner. It is, therefore our first subject matter to tackle.

We philosophers, in amatters alluding to sex, have pronounced to be truths the following:

Resounding yes: Good sex is like good bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand. Mae West

Resounding yes:From birth to age 18 a girl needs good parents. From 18 to 35 she needs good looks. From 35 to 55 she needs a good personality. From 55 on she needs cash. Sophie Tucker. Singer.

Big yes: Modern Art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves they have a better idea. John Ciardi.

Mild yes:To err* is human, but it feels divine. Mae West. Actress. (*make mistakes)

Mild yes: It’s not the [wo]men in my life that count, it’s the life in my [wo]men. Mae West.

The Interpretation. From this we may garner that, in matters of sex and the act of love:

a skilled partner is paramount and possibly irreplacable so is to be adored;
that attractiveness is key, no matter what people wish to say publicly;
that lively behaviour is encouraged and can, on good days, make up for deficiencies in attractiveness;
and that waking up and realising we have been really rather bad the night before is, on balance, a positive rather than negative thing.

We philosophers, in matters of relationships, have pronounced to be truths the following:

Resounding yes: Instead of loving your enemies treat your friends a little better. E.W. Howe. Novelist.

Resounding yes: From birth to age 18 a girl needs good parents. From 18 to 35 she needs good looks. From 35 to 55 she needs a good personality. From 55 on she needs cash. Sophie Tucker. Singer.

Resounding yes: Parents are sometimes a bit of a disappointment to their children. They don’t fulfil the promise of their early years. Anthony Powell. Poet.

Big Yes: Teetotallers lack the sympathy and generosity of men that drink. W.H. Davies. Poet.

Big yes: A diplomat (or gentleman) is a man who always remembers a womans’ birthday but never remembers her age. Robert frost. Poet.

Mild yes: It’s not the [wo]men in my life that count, it’s the life in my [wo]men. Mae West.

The Interpretation. From the above we may glean that, in the matter of relationships:

parents could really do with some sort of training course and continued assessment;
that, without doubt, a pretty woman has until 35 to learn to become fun and until 55 to become smart;
that we must, every day, avoid worrying about enemies and concentrate on the well being of our friends;
that we prefer, as those friends, a person who imbibes a little alcohol to smooth the rough edges and by inferrence, we like to imbibe ourselves to make the sharp corners of the world more fuzzy;
that we like, from our friends, a large dollop of sympathy and them to oft pick up the check;
that we like tact, and charm from our friends to add to the generosity and sympathy and that they are also required to tell us lies where they feel it is in our best interests;
and that more often than not we wish for lively friends, but not always.

There are some other matters dealt with in the results but they will be better represented when fleshed out by additional votes, so are left for the moment.

And so our new philosophy, one free of the rantings of ancient men in white beards, begins…

From birth to age 18 a girl needs good parents. From 18 to 35 she needs good looks. From 35 to 55 she needs a good personality. From 55 on she needs cash. Sophie Tucker. Singer.
4 votes (+4)

How do you know if it’s time to wash the dishes and clean the house? Look inside your pants. If you find a penis there, it’s not time. Jo Brand, Comedienne.
6 votes (+2)

A diplomat (or gentleman) is a man who always remembers a womans’ birthday but never remembers her age. Robert frost. Poet.
5 votes (+3)

Parents are sometimes a bit of a disappointment to their children. They don’t fulfil the promise of their early years. Anthony Powell. Poet.
4 votes (+4)

Instead of loving your enemies treat your friends a little better. E.W. Howe. Novelist.
4 votes (+4)

With inspiration failing to turn up in the form of the some sort of intelligible interpretation of Dictum01′s results I have decided to do what I have always done in these situations. Not worry about it. At all. Even slightly. I will simply move on to Dictum02, a mere 10 days later than originally planned and inspiration, fickle fucker that it is, be damned.

The interpretation of Dictum01 will come when it comes and not a moment before. So, here we are on step two of our dubious journey into the philosophy of the people, by (some of) the people, for the people (who read this page).

When I was a kid I prayed every night for a bike until I figured outthat that’s not the way that God (read ‘the world’ if athiest) works, so I stole a bike and then asked him for forgiveness. Emo Phillips. Comedian.

21 votes

10 relate
11 don’t relate

Teetotallers lack the sympathy and generosity of [wo]men that drink. W.H. Davies. Poet.

12 votes

10 relate
02 don’t relate

It’s not the [wo]men in my life that count, it’s the life in my [wo]men. Mae West.

13 votes

08 relate
05 don’t relate

Modern Art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves they have a better idea. John Ciardi.

17 votes

13 relate
04 don’t relate

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand. Mae West

17 votes

15 relate
02 don’t relate

The interpretation of the results will be posted on Jan 26, 2007.
Dictum 02 will be posted on Jan 27, 2007.

The original idea was to have a whole lot of quotes/ideas on one subject at once. Nothing wrong with that except for the research time involved for me. Rather, I have decided to choose dictum from a broad range and then place them into categories written up into wordpress pages with titles like “relationships”, “misbehavior”, “spoons”, “fame”, etc. That way the base philosophies evolve over time and it’s easier to incorporate suggestions of famous dictum from you.

Although the vote pages will be left open the results will be taken 2 weeks from posting because we can’t just wait around forever.

Something in [square brackets] denotes that the quote still makes sense within the considered intention of the person who said it once it has had a “sex change”. So all that is left is for you to click on “relate” or “don’t relate”

Make your own poll

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